Orotund Nostalgia

2:09am: complexing insomnia
I found myself not sure of the web address I was trying to enter in the tool bar when I went to enter livejournal. It was one of my better forgetful moments. There's nothing like realizing you haven't written on here in a while.

I evidently can't sleep. My head is swimming with thought and incertitude. I'm not sure of the necessary steps that I need to take, but I am in dire need of some direction. I'm confident that time is not going to unfold the answer, but rather I need to work for a resolution. I just don't know how.
I swear I'm trying to act like a respectable adult. At least give me that credit or acknowledgment.

12:22am: mmm - k . . .
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So. I feel it is an important time to make a post. Not so much important to those reading it but to me as the writer recording it.

I started class today. Wow. Class...again. lol. It's been a while and to tell you the truth I'm thrilled. I love it. I'm so excited to learn the material and I feel comfortable around the people I'm sharing my education with.
I can't help but feel a little nervous knowing My Loans are on the line, but I'm very confident in saying that I have all the faith in myself to do well and put forth my undivided attention and effort. I have no other focus that needs my attention right now in life and I can't explain how wonderful that feels to be able to throw my entire heart and brian into this.

I miss my family and friends very much (x's + o's to all of you), but I feel a sence of relief knowing that for once in my adult life I can do the whole "life" thing on my own. My only sad truth is that I do have to depend on a few comforts of home...Thank you mom and dad for helping me eat until I get my first living expense check. But other than that I am proud to say I'm doing it.

11:45pm: EONS
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There.


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11:58pm: For Fun
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Content (kon'tent), adj. 1. satisfied with what one is or has; 2. willing or resigned; assenting. 3. to make content. 4 the state or feeling of being contented; contentment.

Ya. I'm there. And Happy to say that the path layed down before me is a well chosen and comforting future to look forward to. I have NEVER felt so faith-filled or confident. I'm ready.

Thanks Babe.

12:51am: `

If I suck - people tell me to grow up.

I begin to grow up - people tell me I suck.



I don't want to know your opinions anymore. I'm trying and noone really gives a flying fuck. And that isn't going to bother me any more.

I want to be happy.

9:05pm: `

Is this normal?
Should it feel like this?
Am I way out of line...or am I not in line enough?
Why do I keep those pictures around?...they just make me sad.

I feel unsure, but for the first time in years I feel okay about it.
Hope is present and I'm alright with all of this. . .



I think everything is going to be alright.

1:41pm: What the hell is going on?

4:20pm: Holy Shit
I think I actually know and understand what I'm doing.

I'm Speechless...

4:47pm: it hurts
`

and yet i feel the need for it to never end.

1:25pm: merry christ-mas its going well so far

i hope the same to you all

6:13pm: its like this...
...

gut wrenching twisting knot in my stomach


I need to heal it.

I Think I how.

*deep breaths*

12:55pm: alright. . .
`

so I cut my hair.
things are really well right now.
in steven's translation...
"I feel good. I feel great. I feel wonderful."

I need to eat n work out soon.

`

4:38pm: today is a good day
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I am thankful for a lot of things this year. Quite alot.
and although I still have many goals I need to fulfill I am very satisfied with this life that is still to completely unfold.

9:13pm: In the absence of ...
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things are well.

`

6:05pm: Tonight...
`

needs to find me. . . .

and I need to find this night.

2:20am: the events of my day...
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woke up late.
picked up sis...
fell apart ...
hung out with brian
ate southwestern corn soup.

that is all.


the soup n brian were nice
not necessarily in that order.

6:04pm: I Have nothing Good To say.
`

see, told you so.

`

2:26pm: `

today is shit.
not sure what to do.
that cat is on my porch again today(on this windy cold wet day) and I found him curled in my blanket and not very vibrant..so I rapped it around him. . .
I wish he would go to his home and be warm . . I wish I knew he had a home.

I can't find my family either. I could have stayed longer.
Tonight is going to suck and I don't want to leave you. I hate leaving you.

This is not a good day.

6:15pm: Updates
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my phone broke on thursday.
I got a new one today.
i just drove for 5 1/2 hours to ohio and back to get a motor
Im back
i saw strange and wonderful things on this lonesum trip
It was memerable...

mmm skyscraper, I love you.

3:06am: Little to do...
`
tiffs out of town from friday till sunday night. I've got nothin to do but work night, day n night again... gotta close the pool tomorrow. might smoke a bit then maybe make a little musica. damn I need a life, but I like the one I've got.

`

4:23pm: saw science of sleep yesterday
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it was beautiful. . . .


like you...


`

12:01pm: uuuuhh....
`

so...smoking n drinking then watching "top secret"(1984) fuckin nuts. Either the coolest or silliest thing you could watch..or both?


`

9:45pm: _ gnideecorp gniytpme niarb _
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Hmmmm...lets see...

there is
jealousy.
pain.
disappointment.
anger.
frustration.
curiosity.
slight confusion.
and a little bitta longing.


sweetness
`

11:24pm: I just rushed out of work for JacK Shit`
`

I feel tired... n alone...n frustrated and quite low.
alittle unloved at the moment ... but I'm okay with that- I can make it my own.

a pack of smokes, some coffee n a few hours with anyone sounds good right now.


`

11:09pm: `

this was an interesting day.